Osama bin Laden is finally dead, as of yesterday, sources say. Hmmm. I guess I can believe that is possibility. I mean, he had to die sometime, right? And, not to mention, he has had an awful lot of folks supposedly looking for him for the last ten years or so. In fact, it is harder to believe that he has remained in hiding this long, only poking his head out once in a while to release another recording of the 'jihad's greatest hits'. Remember? Those usually poor quality VHS and audio tapes he would release every now and then, that seemed as if they were made soley to inflame the USA into an anti-islamic frenzy, and served very little other purpose that I could see.
So, he was killed in a ultra top secret Navy SEALS mission, led by the head of the CIA. Ok, that seems somewhat plausable, even though it is somewhat hard for me to imagine the head of the CIA being the commander of the highly specialized SEALS. It is akin to the president of the NFL taking a turn at coaching the Pittsburgh Steelers during the SuperBowl. There are more folks that are much better qualified than a Public Relations man/pencil pusher when it comes to leading men in a delicate operation, but it is still plausable, I suppose.
So, after killing him, they decided against recording the event, or documenting, by way of photos and other forensic evidence, the body. Now, that one is kind of odd. You would think that somebody with a camera around, even a cel phone camera, would have thought to snap a couple pics for posterity, or to show their ma, wouldn't ya? But, they did have the head of the CIA running the show, so maybe he forgot how important recording evidence was...OK, I know that doesn't fly, but it is getting harder to defend this idea. It doesn't really matter, because they can always take a look at the body, or photograph it later, right? What? They already buried him? And, may I ask why so quickly? Oh, I see, because of our sensitivity to his religious beliefs of being buried within twenty four hours...well, that sure was thoughtful of us to be so politically correct and sensitive to others, even our most hated enemies, beliefs and customs. Did we send condolance cards to all of his family and friends, too?
Still, if anybody doesn't believe that he was killed, all we have to do is exhume the remains, and...huh? Nobody wanted him buried in their country? Ok, so where is he then? What? I don't think I heard you correctly. It sounded like you said he was 'buried at sea'...oh, you did say that? Ok, no, but really...where is the body? Somewhere deep in the ocean? Really? Well, that one may be a bit harder to sell.
So, let me get this straight: there are no eyewitness acounts, nor journalistic documentation of the event, nor any documentation afterward, including this historic (and, if I recall correctly) first 'burial at sea' ,within twenty four hours to accommodate a religious belief, (even though it is rare, if not completely unheard of, for a Muslim to ever be buried at sea) of a wanted fugitive (was Saddam Hussein treated the same way? Where was he buried? Maybe that country could've put Osamma up for a while, too? I'm just sayin'...), and that no one there thought it may be wise to gather even a shred of tangible evidence that the event even occured? So what do we have to go on? I see. Just a few White House officials saying it happened, and both coincidently and convieniently, right before the re-election campaign for the President kicks into high gear? No body. No photos. No Proof. Nothing, but some politicians word? Seriously? Do they not even bother trying anymore, when it comes to deception and cover-ups? A class of fourth graders could create a better story.
OK. I got one too.
You know me. I own some of the most highly advanced photo/audio/video state of the art recording gear in the world. And, let's just pretend that on any given day, I have over five hundred phoographers that follow and attempt to record my every move. But, last night, without anyone knowing, I snuck out my bedroom window, real quiet like, and went into the forest. While there I shot me a big ol' damn Bigfoot. I know it was a Bigfoot because he had big feet, and I've seen a couple history channel shows on them, which qualifies me as an expert on Bigfoot Identification. Just know this, I was absolutely certian that the thing I killed was Bigfoot. Then, not feeling much like trying to drag his big ass back home, but knowing that just leaving him to rot would be such a vast waste of meat, I butchered him in the field, packed up all the meat and scrubbed down everything else in the river, as I am very tidy and conscientious that way. Then, before going home, I shipped the Bigfoot meat off to some starving third world country as a show of my altruistic nature, only then realizing that I forgot to snap a couple photos (even though I have 28,0000 plus previous pictures of my renderings of bigfoot and have seemed absolutely rabid to kill one for over ten years, just to show the world that I could), and, due to the highly sophisticated, and patent-pending method with which I lodged the killshot into his big hairy head, I cannot really even share a very clear story about my successful hunt with you...you still believe that I killed a bigfoot, right? Right?!? Why not? I can't remember what country I sent the ground bigfoot patties off to, damn it! Why won't you just believe me, and let the world know what a heroic bigfoot hunter I am? Oh yeah, and just for good measure, since in this analogy I'm comparable to the politician in the earlier story, lets throw in that most of what has ever come out of my mouth has been either lies, hyporbole, or exagerations to make me look better, and Hunters Unlimited Magazine is a month or so away from handing out their esteemed Hunter Lifetime Achievement Award...My word is enough evidence that I bagged the big fella, right? No? Hmmm. Tough crowd. It sure makes it difficult when anyone uses their head for something more than a place to host a vacant set of eyes, and slackened jaw, to get my bigfoot story to sell. What does the US government have that I don't?
Of course, many bought the idea that the twin towers fell down because airplanes crashed into them, even though the men who designed the towers said it was an impossibility since they were designed with such forseeable disasters in mind. Many also bought the whole idea of those same airplanes onboard 'blackboxes', (that could have convieniently and efficiently explained much to discredit many of the conspiricy theories), melting and being completely destroyed by the intense fire, to the point of unrecognition and never being found. Yet, at the same time, in that same horrific cauldron of melted metal, the paper passports of the infidel pilots of said planes were found still very much legible and unscathed to tie the suspects to the crime within hours of the disaster. Who writes for these guys? It seems almost better if they just shrugged their shoulders and told you that they forgot what happened, or there was nothing to understand. You know, like Reagan used to do. So, if they got Osamma, then I got a Bigfoot, and the world is a better place because of it! Now, wheres my award? I'll be signing autographs later. Is it really that easy?